We Took The High Road

Very early this morning, we crossed Grassmarket, walked up the Castle Wynd Steps to just outside the Castle.  Minutes later our tour bus pulled up.

This time our driver and tour guide was Fred, a burly, fun-loving Scot of 57 years.  Fred is already a grandfather of about 5, one of whom is 18 years old.  Now Fred's grandmother is still living, so that's 5 generations of the family.  He has told Gran to keep hanging on a bit, told his grandson to 'get his act into gear' as Fred is aiming for 6 living generations in his family!

Resplendant in a kilt, Fred is a budding comedian.  For 20 years he was a deep sea diver on the North Sea oil bed, and has been driving tour buses ever since.  'And my two ex-wives have ensured I'll be working until I die,' he ruefully declared.

Here is one of Fred's jokes:

A little turtle climbed up a tree, scurried out along a branch limb, leapt off, flapping his legs wildly, but crashed to the ground, knocking himself out a while.  When he came around, he again climbed the tree, went out on the branch, leapt off, legs flapping, to yet again crash to the ground.

In another tree, two black crows were watching intently.  After about the turtle's  fifth effort, the Mother Crow said to the Father Crow, 'Do you think we should tell our young fellow he's adopted!'

Fred drove us about 600 lms today, through the Lowlands and the Highlands, dishing out his special brand of humour along the way.  Example:  'There's no mountain too high or bridge too narrow we can't cross today ... if taken with enough speed in the bus!'

85% of Scots live in 15% of the land, so the further north we went, the more spare the population.  We saw giant lochs (lakes), valleys like the Great Glen, mountains including the famed Ben Nevis, wide dark rivers and smaller bubbling streams.  We saw huge forests, and crop fields, and narrow roads that our bus belted along.  About 50 people die in the Scottish mountains each year, mainly from avalanches.  30 have perished so far this year, so they are on track to reach their usual 50.

We saw the family land of James Bond's author, Ian Fleming.  They have owned this land for over 300 years and make squillions from leasing it out for forestry.  We heard of one woman billionaire, who has three 1 mile sections of some river ideal for salmon fishing.  She charges £33,000 a week for each stretch, and the salmon season is 5 months long.  Of course, accommodation, food and drink are extra.  The $33,000 is just for the exclusive right to fish in the river on her land.

We drove through quaint villages and were bullied by Fred to be back on the bus ON TIME or he would leave without us.

We had time at Castle Urquhart, a ruined castle blown up by the owners when they were leaving, so the dreaded MacDonald's or English could not inhabit it.  From there, we caught a boat - the Jacobite Warrior - along the famed Loch |Ness.  I stayed safely inside the boat, not on the deck, in case Nessie chose today to rise up and reveal herself to the world, by snatching a few tourists from the deck as a snack.

We learned a little of Scottish history.  No-one on the bus admitted to having any English blood. 

It was a good sequel to yesterday, when we visited the relatively new Scottish Parliament building.  It is a very modern building, which I think captures some of the spirit and aspirations of modern Scotland.  We were both very impressed.  Scottish hero William Wallis is lauded in a display there.  Two things I loved were a display case featuring a few gifts to Scotland from other countries, and a poem from an official Scottish poet, on the opening of this building.  My eyes got moist as I read his words, saying stuff like this is your special building, not some box or another IKEA.  So do your best, not to gain advantage for yourself, but for the Scottish people, and don't moan you haven't got a mandate, be brave and go what is right.  It was really sentiments.

Straight over the road is the Queen's residence in Edinburgh, the Palace of Holyrood House.  We did the audio guide tour of the middle floor.  The top floor is the current royal apartments.  How I'd love to poke around in there!!  I guess the ground floor is kitchens, laundry, storerooms, etc. 

We also got to wander along the path through the magnificent gardens, where the Queen holds an enormous garden party each year.  Then I saw some of the treasures from the Royal Collection, on display for the Diamond Jubilee.  Amazing stuff!

And last night, of course, was the Military Tattoo.  When I asked Woodsie today if he enjoyed the Tattoo, he said, 'I LOVED IT, LOVED IT, LOVED IT!'